Shivers
by Sinhe
Summary: Trowa and Heero gain important knowledge after an enounter. Set during the Noventa excursion. Yaoi, 3x1x3 or 313


Shivers

~~~

I enter the sleazy motel, and stride down the hall to room number 124. Sliding the scratched card through the slot I wait until the light in the device turns green, before I open the door quietly and creep into the small room. The next thing I know I feel weight propelled against my chest as I am shoved flat on my back. I hit the floor with a loud thump, the sound only partially muffled by the thin carpeting in the room. I hold my breath as an elbow is pressed to my windpipe; I wait for it to break my neck with a swift jerk. I begin to breathe again, the blow doesn't come. The dark-haired boy above me is sitting with one knee between my legs and the other against my waist, his right elbow poised at my neck; the other hand is behind him, reaching for what I know is his gun, which is stashed in the small of his back. He glares at me with large blue eyes, rolls off unapologetically, and gracefully finds his feet. He strides over to his open laptop and sits back down, his face set stoically. 

"I heard you coming down the hall. You make too much noise." He says to me.

"Well, I wasn't expecting to be attacked," I answer quietly, still sprawled on the floor.

"Always expect to be attacked," he replies. I don't answer him; instead I push myself to my feet and go to stretch out on the sole bed in the room. As I lay back onto the covers, I catch him turn around to look at me. He gives me a curious glance, as if he is expecting me to answer him. When he turns back to his computer, I look towards the ceiling. The walls of this hotel are rather thin, and I can here the yelling of the couple above us. We've only been in the room for two days and two nights, and I could already tell you how this couple works. They fight over trivial matters and get progressively angrier, until they finally break down. Later they make up; we can hear the loud noises of their sex coming from above us when we try to sleep at night. 

I turn my head to look over at the boy by the laptop. Sometimes I think I understand him. Heero. But then he does something I think is beyond his capacity, and I have to start calculating it again. Before this little trip he's been leading me around on I thought he was cold, uncaring even. But this thing with the Noventas…. I think he actually feels guilt, and knows no other way to get rid of it then to offer his own life in place of the man he accidentally killed.

My thoughts shift to the bed I am stretched out on. I always thought that he would mind sharing a bed with another person, but again he surprised me. It was me who was hesitant to share in such close quarters with another, not him. He thought nothing of it. 

His shoulders twitch, as if he can feel my gaze. I suddenly grow aware that I am staring at his back and shoulders. I turn my gaze away, again opting to look at the ceiling. They're throwing things now. I can hear the crashes and thunks above me. I suddenly feel as if I am invading their privacy; I am hearing their most intimate moments, and I have never even seen them face to face. I would not know them if I did. 

My line of sight turns to the window; the sun is streaking its last rays across the cityscape outside. The road just beyond the glass is almost empty, rush hour having past already. The snow left over from days ago has been pushed to the side in a pile of gray and black slush. It is only when my gaze falls back to Heero's shoulders that I realize that I am bored. I stretch and stand, walking over to the small, ancient refrigerator on top of the dresser. I pull out the leftover Chinese food from last night, picking the mushrooms out of the lo mein so that I won't eat one by accident. I pull out one of the plastic forks the takeout place left us and dig in, moving to sit down in the chair by the window. I turn to look out the window again as I eat. 

~~~

I feel eyes boring into the back of my neck. My shoulders twitch involuntarily, but I continue to concentrate on the screen in front of me. Behind me, Trowa seems to be getting restless. I listen as he opens the refrigerator and pulls something out of it. I can hear his chewing over the frantic sounds of the couple above us. I decide that I am losing concentration, and I shut off my computer. The harsh glow goes out abruptly; the last rays of sunlight are the only source of light in the room. I hear Trowa's soft voice out of the darkness,

"Want any, Heero?" he askes me. I assume he is talking about the food he is eating.

"No. Thank you," I say in a slightly coarse voice, "I ate before you got back." I can almost hear his nod. I listen while he continues eating, not turning to face him. After a few minutes of relative quiet, I stand and open the door to the bathroom. I am just finishing brushing my teeth, when I hear the fridge door shut again. I put away my toothbrush, and find that he is waiting outside the bathroom. I change into a pair of boxers and slide into the bed, taking the right side as always. As I twist onto my back and pull the covers up to my chin, Trowa leaves the bathroom. He turns away and also begins to strip to his boxers. I watch, fascinated, as he pulls his shirt over his head, the muscles in his back flexing. I have watched this many times, but only now does it strike me how truly strong this frail looking boy is. 

He turns back towards to bad and glances over at me; I look away. I roll towards the middle of the bed, and try to go to sleep. I do not feel tired. It is almost as if my eyes refuse to shut, and my body denies rest. I find my attention returning without fail to Trowa. He seems to almost hesitate as he slides between the thin white sheets. I feel the mattress rock slightly as he shifts, before settling. His back is little more than half a foot in front of me, I realize suddenly. My breath stirs the air; the hairs on the back of his neck begin to prick upwards, testing the rapidly cooling air around them. I shift and move slightly closer. I can feel the heat from his body reach out to me. My breath hitches, and I make a conscious effort to steady it. I reach out to him, closing the distance between us with my hand. I place it on his shoulder, letting my fingers trail over his skin. 

Follow your emotions. _I need this…_

He shivers, and I shiver with him, relishing the play of muscles across his shoulders. If I can do this now, here, right now, it can't be used against me. They won't be able to take this away from me.

~~~

Heero's breath stirs against the back of my neck, and I shiver involuntarily. I sense movement behind me, and I feel a muscle in my shoulder twitch in response to the hand he trails across the skin there. 

What is he doing? I can't help but wonder, as his hand dips to caress the planes of my chest. I fidget, and turn to face him. His eyes are wide, and his hand falls back to his side. He inhales a halting breath and just looks at me. His eyes are achingly blue, and his pink lips are slightly parted. He looks down at himself, and waits for me to decide. 

He just doesn't know how to deal with this sort of experience, and I think he's willing to let me teach him. Maybe ill training is better than none at all. He wants to do this, and for once he's_ vulnerable._

Without even thinking I bring my hand to his mouth and trace his lips with stubby fingernails and calloused fingertips. My fingers stray to his eyes and they slide closed; I touch his eyelids. _I want this_. 

Putting my hands just under his collarbones, I push him onto his back. His eyes open and he just looks up at me, his eyes wary but willing to wait and see what I am doing. I kneel on the bed and lean over to kiss his forehead. It is barely a kiss at all, just a pressure of lips against salty skin. He blinks up at me, not fully understanding the gesture. 

"What was that for?" he asks me, his voice a quiet rumble barely heard over our loud breathing and the passionate noises above us.

"Because I wanted to, Heero." I reply, simply.

"Oh." Is all he says, nodding his head, and goes back to waiting. 

"Here," I mumble, "this is what a kiss feels like." I lean over again, and press my lips to his cheekbones, his jaw, the tip of his nose. He sighs softly, and pulls me down to sprawl on top of him. I lay there, my ear to his chest, until he says, 

"I like it." I look up at him. His bangs have fallen in his eyes, but I can see the red spots on his cheeks. I smile, and lean my head back down to his chest. My tongue flicks out, and I taste salt. His mouth gasps open as my tongue trails a line of glistening, wet saliva down his chest. I wriggle downwards, the trail becoming jagged and sharp when I move. My tongue reaches his naval, and his back arches upwards. I can feel the bones in his back stretch and the muscles contract. 

I stop my ministrations and crawl up towards him, the bed moving under me as I do so. I settle back next to him, and Heero looks over at me in curiosity. I turn on my side and slip an arm around his waist, pulling his back to my chest. We stay like that for a few minutes in silence. Finally, he reaches behind him and clasps one of my hands, pulling it to his body. He guides my hand to caress his chest, smearing my saliva against my fingers. He pulls my fingers to his lips, kissing the tips, before opening his mouth and sliding my first three fingers inside. His tongue presses against the pads of my fingers, sliding around and over the nails, slightly softening the callused flesh. 

Workers hands. We both have workers hands. 

I press my face to the back of his head, his hair playing softly over my skin. It is only when he nips and bites my fingers that I gasp against him for the first time. I can feel his lips smile around my fingers. His hand lets go of my wrist and I slide my fingers out of his mouth, before pulling them to my lips to see what they taste like. Chinese food and spice. 

He flops over and looks at me, my fingers in my mouth, a slight blush staining my cheeks, the sheets twined about my lower legs. It's unnerving, him staring at me with such intensity. I can't help but shiver as I stare into the deepening blue of his eyes.

I can see his face set as he makes a decision. He rolls over onto me, propped up with his arms on either side of my head, his thumbs lightly caressing my shoulders. He slowly presses himself against me, his legs twined with mine, his hips against mine…. I groan with pleasure, as his clothed erection presses against mine. My eyes close. He lays his chest against mine, the saliva on his chest sticky against my skin, and relaxes his arms. He is nose to nose with me now, and I tilt my head down to kiss his neck, his head tilts upwards and he kisses my forehead, the tip of his tongue against my skin. When he reaches down between us with a hand I sharply inhale and gasp out his name. 

He suddenly stops. His mouth opens in an 'O' against my forehead and his hand stops moving. I hug him against me, steeling myself against the friction, and roll us over, so that I am lying against him. I sit up, my thighs straddling his hips, and I look at him silently. 

He was really starting to like it. I shake my head in confusion, not understanding the problem. I open my mouth to say something, and close it again. Finally, I ask him,

"Heero? Did I do something wrong?" I tilt my head to one side and he gulps loudly and shakes his head.

"No! Nothing, this is just suppo―"

"It doesn't matter right now." I reply, before leaning down towards him, "Focus on the sensations. You can like it, Heero." Heero barely has time to nod, before I lean the rest of the way down and press my lips fiercely against his. 

~~~

I freeze when Trowa pants out my name. Shit, Heero, you forgot. This is just an experience, you're not supposed to actually like it, I berate myself. I feel him close his arms around me, and I shudder at the contact.  He rolls me onto my back, and I suck air in through my teeth, reacting to the pressure between us. He sits up, straddling my hips with his legs. He stares at me in silence for uncountable seconds a confused look on his face. He then opens his mouth and quickly closes it again. A false start. Then, he says to me,

"Heero? Did I do something wrong?" He tilts his head, his bangs falling further over one eye. 

"No! Nothing, this is just suppo―" I try to say.

"It doesn't matter right now." He cuts me off. "Focus on the sensations. You can like it Heero." I nod and pretend believe what he says. 

Training. This is training of a different kind, for a different situation. Remember that, Heero. He leans toward me, and I can feel his breath stir the air. He attacks me with his lips, winning the battle before it has begun. He pushes me back against the bed, his hands clutching my shoulders, his tongue thrusting into my mouth, his lips squashing mine. I lie motionless as he lavishes my mouth with his. I can barely breathe as he begins to rotate his hips against mine; I cry out against his mouth and begin to thrust my hips upwards. My hands, previously idle, scratch and dig into his back, pressing, separating the lines between his muscles. I reach up to his shoulder blades and run my fingers around them, scraping hard lines into his skin, as my movements become more frantic. I don't notice when I start to whimper instead of gasp, or when my stubby nails begin to claw at his back. Training, training, training. Not supposed to like training. Don't like it, Heero. _Don't._ _Like. It. **Don't!**_

Suddenly, he stops.

My hips continue to thrust weakly against his weight, and my hands still tear at his back. He sits up slowly and rolls off of me. I look over at him in confusion. 

"Why… why did you stop?" I ask breathlessly, my voice is rough and the words sound harsh to my ears. He doesn't answer; he moves backwards, away from me but stays facing me. His cheeks are flushed, but his eyes are suddenly intense. 

"Why are you shivering, Heero?" he finally asks me. 

"Shivering?" I say in puzzlement, before looking down at myself. My body is shaking slightly, causing goose pimples to rise on my chest, arms and legs. I shake my head and hug my torso, "Shit!" I exclaim, trying to stop the movements of my body. I finally I get myself under control, "You noticed," I say to him. A statement of fact, not a question. I barely look up at him, my head staying mostly tilted towards my feet. I can just see him nod at me, before his movements stop again. He barely seems to breathe. 

My shivering finally stops, and I relax my arms. He looks over as I move, but he turns his head away, clearly uncomfortable. 

"Trowa…." I start, waiting for him to look at me. "Trowa, I don't understand. I don't know anything that's not purely theoretical." I say, my voice flat again. He just nods. "I thought…..that it could be good. And that if it was good this once…then it couldn't be taken away from me." My voice speeds up as I talk, becoming slightly garbled in my effort to get it all out. He looks at me then, his emerald eyes wide and dark with surprise. It is I that looks away this time. 

"But…." He supplies, curiousness flits quickly across his face, before disappearing.

"But," I pause, considering my words, "I had certain conflicting impulses. Two ideas telling me to think different things." _'Damn. I sound so fucking detached.'_ Again, he just nods. I'm getting pretty damn sick of it too. "I think…." I start softly, my voice starting to sound vaguely human, for once, "I wasn't ready. I fell back on instinct when I was on unfamiliar ground." My voice quiets even more, "I'm sorry, Trowa." 

He just gives me a small smile, telling me with his expression that he understands, that he doesn't blame me. 

"Come on. Let's go to bed now." He says, crawling under the covers, and gesturing to me to take the other half. He may have become used to sharing a bed with me. I move to the other side of the bed and slide between the sheets, carefully avoiding all contact with him. 

I think he's gone to sleep, but I'm still awake, and wondering. Questioning. Why couldn't I do it? _'Stop it Heero. Just go to sleep, and forget about it.' I still can't, though. I miss the feel of his skin. It was silky and soft, but strong all the same. _

"Hey, Trowa?" I whisper into the darkness. 

"Yeah?" he murmurs back sleepily.

"Do you think you could just, hold me?" I feel awkward saying it. At least before I didn't have to say anything. He's chuckling softly, and I don't know what it means. But before long I hear the shifting of the covers, and his long arms are wrapped around me in a tight embrace. 

"I had kind of hoped you'd say that," he tells me, his voice holds a combination of awkwardness and bared happiness. I lean back against his chest and sigh.

"Thanks," I say.

"None needed," he replies. I drift off, but before I fully fall asleep, I feel his lips on the nape of my neck, and he whispers softly, "Maybe we'll be ready next time." And it warms me to know that there will be a next time.

~~~

End.  


End file.
